Relationships: platonic love, one-night stands, puppy-love, long-distance love, unreturned love, short-term love, long-term love, committed relationships, break-ups… They all teach us something.
Break-ups can produce so much anger and sadness, and if you think about some divorce cases it is absolutely astounding how much can some couples that used to love and adore one another end up hating each other.
Though it is possible that I simply never had a “bad enough” break-up, but I am not one of those people who hold grudges against my exes or those that have never returned my love. They have all taught me something: something about myself, something about relationships, and something about life.
I have recently found this short story I have written over 10-years ago about a boy I loved and who broke my heart a year or two beforehand. Our relationship wasn’t too long, only a few months. I was very young. But the story makes me smile. It reminds me of young love, innocence, heart-ache and healing. The story still ends on a sad note of a somewhat hopeless young girl who didn’t think she would ever trust and love someone again. Of course my heart has healed (and was broken again, and healed again, multiple times) since. I have even found my partner for life since. But my short lived relationship with this guy had its place and purpose in my life. I am thankful for this experience.
I am grateful for all those who have liked and have loved me, who I’ve liked and have loved, who broke my heart, whose heart I broke, who didn’t returned my love and whose love I didn’t returned. They are all my teachers. Of course, I am even more grateful of my current and true love, my partner and best friend, who is teaching me about love, commitment, patience, support, care and so much more every day.
Everyone and every experience has its place in your life. Some relationships and experiences may last a minute, some may just be eternal. But all has their purpose and all show a reason to be grateful. Let this story from the early 2000s written by the young me be the proof:
The Last Spark
You were sitting there on the couch.
Your blond hair looked like a haystack. It was messy. You didn’t brush it after you woke up. You didn’t shave either for couple of days. You decided to grow out a beard and didn’t care that I would swallow some of your facial hair with your saliva every time you would kiss me.
You were wearing your favorite blue shirt. You had it since seventh grade. Its color was fading and it had little holes on it. But you didn’t care. You loved that shirt so much. It matched with your light blue eyes – for some reason I found that kind of sexy.
With a gracious movement, you put down the lighter on the table next to the candles that we were burning the night before. You glazed at me with loving eyes as I was still lying in the bed next to the couch. You handed me the joint and smiled. You didn’t smoke much anymore – just occasionally, maybe once a week or not even. After me, took the last hit and looked at me. I felt loved.
You went to the kitchen to clean the ashtray. You did the dishes too – I heard the sound of the water.
When you came back, you laid down next to me and held me in your arms for a while. We were lying there cuddling for hours quietly. Then you – without saying a word – stood up, put on your shoes and your sweater. You kissed me softly. I remembered the day when you first kissed me – you were so scared that your lips were shaking. You caressed my cheek and said: “Shot the door when you leave and don’t let the cat out. I’ll see you later.” You kissed me again – on my forehead that time.
You had to go to work. I heard the door shot and I’ve already missed you.
You never promised me anything. You never told me that it was for forever or at least for a long time. You never told me that we were for real. You never told me about your dreams or if I was a part of them. Maybe I never was. Maybe those dreams just changed quickly.
We never talked about us. I felt that it was in the air and there was no need to say it. I wanted to believe that you had felt the same way – at least for a while. But you probably didn’t say it because you had never meant it or believed it.
One day you were suddenly there in my life, making me feel happy and making everything look like spring. You were there and made me believe that life can be good.
Then one day you were suddenly not there. You were distant and you didn’t look at me the same loving way as you did before. I knew – again, without words, without talking about it – it was over.
There was no explanation for why you were with me and then why you wanted to leave all of a sudden. It took you a minute to fall for me and took you a second to fall out. It took me a while to believe and trust you and took me a long time to get over you.
You were the last person that I could trust. And even though I don’t want you either anymore, I will never forget that morning as you were sitting on the couch…
(written: Feb 13, 2015)